The Canal, the Catamaran, and the Calendar

All right, my friends — it’s about 4 p.m., and I’m just chillin’ on Hold Fast (my boat), Panama humidity thick enough to butter toast, when this random sailor materializes on the dock like a mirage in board shorts and just goes, “Hey bro.”

That’s it. Just “hey bro.” But in a very French accent!

Then he hits me with, “You looking to crew on a boat going through the Canal tomorrow?”

Without a second thought, I said yes — please, yes, absolutely!

And just like that, I’m crewing on a catamaran through the Panama Canal — the legendary water elevator between oceans, where boats rise and sink like props in some giant, over-engineered magic show. It’s part science, part sorcery, and all chaos. You can practically feel the ghosts of engineers past whispering, “Please don’t touch that valve.”

Here’s how it works: every boat needs four line handlers, one for each corner, to keep her from doing the salsa inside the locks. Locals charge about $120 per handler, but what cruisers try to do is trade labor for the experience — I hop aboard someone else’s boat, work the lines, learn the ropes (literally), and check “transit the Panama Canal” off the bucket list. Plus, it’s a priceless chance to see how it all works before taking Hold Fast through.

Now, here’s the kicker: the skipper’s taking the boat all the way to Puerto Vallarta and invited me to stay aboard for the trip. It’d be perfect — I could finish the last bit of my circumnavigation without even moving Hold Fast. Banderas Bay, where Puerto Vallarta sits, is exactly where I set off from North America back in 2022 to start this wild odyssey! Full circle. Cue the cinematic music. Cue the flying seagulls.

This would be huge because when — or if — I bring Hold Fast through and head back to Mexico, there’s a real sense of finality. Just getting to the Canal costs roughly five grand. So it’s a one way trip. Not to mention it’s a long, salty, wallet-thinning marathon of diesel-burning bashes back to Banderas Bay. I’d much rather park Hold Fast on the Caribbean side for a year or two — go full island gremlin mode: explore, dive, surf, fix stuff, repeat. But another part of me? It’s itching to close the loop! This trip could’ve been the shortcut through the chaos — the cosmic cheat code.

Here’s the ridiculous part: I actually have two doctor’s appointments and two dentist appointments back home in Los Angeles on the 15th and the 31th. Puerto Vallarta is on the way and flights are super cheap to LA from there. Had this guy shown up just a week earlier, I could’ve jumped aboard, finished the loop, high-fived destiny, saved Hold Fast from a beating, saved me a ton of cash, and hit my appointments in L.A. But no — too tight. Too close. The universe’s sense of humor, once again, is immaculate.

I hadn’t even considered finishing the loop that way until this afternoon. Starting in December, the Canal turns into a nautical conga line — a parade of boats all honking, waving, and sweating their way between oceans. And a bunch of them are heading right back to Mexico! So now I’ve got my eyes on the prize, my name on the message board, and my fingers crossed like a kid trying to win a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Water Lock Factory.

Long story short — which, let’s be honest, they never are with me — tomorrow I finally get to see the Canal from the inside. Ropes in hand, eyes wide, probably sweating through three shirts and grinning like I just won a game show I didn’t even know I was on. I’m ridiculously excited for it.

Fair winds, my friends — Panama’s about to get interesting!

Days Sober: 2,095